What To Do When You Are Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner
Navigate the complexities of emotional distance in your relationship with this insightful article. Explore practical strategies and meaningful insights on reconnecting with your partner when feelings of disconnection arise. Uncover the common causes behind emotional distance and discover effective communication techniques to bridge the gap.
By Anna Myers / Jan 28 2024
Come closer, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. Are you ready? I’m going to whisper it. Feeling disconnected from a partner, and needing to reconnect with them, is a totally normal phase of most, if not all, relationships.
Woah, that felt good to say!
It’s a big secret, or at least it feels like it, because no one really talks about how common this particular feeling is and how it affects everyone. We’re used to only seeing most people’s highlight reels, and not have any insight into their “real” and most intimate life, but if we did, we’d probably be reassured to know that it’s a lot more common than we think. The bottom line is, if that's happening to you, you’re not alone.
But is there something we can do about it? And is it always possible to recover? Let’s find out!
what does feeling disconnected mean?
Whether it’s emotionally, sexually, physically or all of the above, distance between partners can take many forms. Maybe you’ve both been very busy with work or school, or living on different schedules and just narrowly missing out on spending time together in the evenings or on weekends. Maybe you’ve had a disagreement, or a recurrent fight that keeps coming back up, or you haven’t really gotten over the last one thing you argued about. Maybe you’re just missing the spark.
You’re asking yourself questions like, am I the problem in my relationship? Why is my partner being so distant? Why am I feeling so off, so unwanted, so unloved?
Whatever the case may be, you’ve noticed that things aren’t quite what they used to be. You want to get back to a state of normal ebb and flow, where you might have off days (those are super normal, too!) or off weeks, but not entire phases where you just feel stuck and disillusioned. Read on to find out how you can fix this, because you absolutely can!
causes for feeling disconnected from your partner
Causes for disconnection in a romantic relationship are as varied as our individual needs and wants may be, which is to say: pretty much infinite!
Like we said earlier, it may be that you’ve just been growing apart from your partner, or you don’t have as much time to spend with them as you used to, or you’ve stopped putting in the effort that you used to at the beginning of your relationship.
Or maybe, a deeper cause of the distance between you and your partner is that you’re realising you’re different people, on different trajectories in life, who want different things.
That’s a harder one to crack, but nevertheless, a very common circumstance and one that you need to be honest with yourself about. Otherwise, it’ll be even harder to be honest with your partner, and you’ll grow apart even more.
how to fix it
Whatever the cause, or your individual situation, it all boils down to one thing: once you realise this may be happening to you and your partner, you have to consider all options and evaluate whether you are ready and willing to put in the effort it takes to rebuild.
Because periods of disconnection are completely normal, and sometimes they do just go away on their own as fast as they came ––but at other times, they can really take their toll on a relationship and cause lasting damage. It’s important to be honest with your partner about how you feel, and come to a mutual understanding that you both want to be in it for the long haul and fix the situation.
If not spending enough time together is the main issue in your relationship, try to make it a priority to spend a few evenings together and focus only on each other ––no phones, no TV, no kids, no distractions. It can really do wonders, and it sends the right signal that you’re serious about building up your intimacy again.
If you haven’t tried relationship counselling services, or even individual therapy, be assured that seeing a professional can really help. They can act as a neutral mediator, and help you overcome your differences or reignite the fire in the relationship.
know when to walk away
The reason it hurts so much to look inward and ask yourself important questions like do I still want to be in this relationship and am I compromising what I really want and who I really am for my partner, is that we’re usually really scared of an answer we may not like.
But remaining in a relationship that you know is not right for you anymore, or simply one that has run its course, should sound just as scary ––right?
After all, learning how to be by yourself and know that you’re enough on your own is always vital, no matter your relationship status. You may find that it’s time to walk away from the relationship, and that can be a really terrifying feeling.
But I urge you to focus on how much more you’d be compromising by staying in the relationship, and remind yourself that you need to draw the line somewhere.
If a period of distance and disconnect between you and your partner goes on for too long, you’re going to be better off walking away and rebuilding your life in different ways, either alone or with a different partner.
the bottom line
It can be hard to be honest with yourself, and your partner, about signs of disconnection in the relationship, but talking about it candidly and openly can open the door to reconciliation and rebuilding a waning connection.
You will not necessarily need to break up, or get a divorce, so don’t worry about that at the first sign of a red flag ––focus on what you can proactively fix, and resolve any issues you can. It can take time, and certainly effort, but it’s always worth doing when you really love someone!