A Complete Guide To Couples Meditation
I’ll be honest with you, meditation is one of those activities I feel very ambivalent about.
When I’m in the mood for it, I look for a short meditation audio on YouTube and find that I can truly relax beyond my wildest dreams, promising myself I’ll make it a daily or even weekly appointment with myself. Then, there are times I cannot really find the energy or the willpower to sit through just a five minute meditation ––those are more frequent, I’ll admit. I’ll keep getting distracted, getting overwhelmed, or feeling out of sync with myself and my feelings, then give up completely.
But I know the practice is rooted in Vedic, Taoist and Buddhist traditions, with a millenary history to back up its benefits and raison d'être, so who do I think I am to dismiss it just because it’s too hard for me? Perhaps, the idea of a couple’s meditation is more appealing, for I can be more in tune with another human than I am with my own self and thoughts.
But how does a couple’s meditation work, and why should you even bother learning about it? Read on to find out!
What is couples meditation?
Just like traditional meditation, as an individual practice, can be a “training of the mind,” couples meditation can be a way to train your relationship, so to speak, and get a couple to grow stronger and closer together.
Meditation can teach us to tune out the distractions of modern life, focus on our breath and our inner truth, and tune into what really matters and who we really are. Those are all factors that can make our day to day life simpler and more centred around what really matters, of course ––but they’re also muscles to train if we want to better and strengthen our relationships!
The same way we can learn how to be less reactive, more aligned, and more in tune with ourselves, we can also use those same techniques to help ourselves and those closest to us, which in turn will have a positive effect on the relationship as a whole.
When should you try couples meditation?
Couples meditation can be helpful no matter the state of the relationship: even if you and your partner are rock solid and as in love as ever, there’s always something you can do to strengthen your bond and connect on a deeper level.
It is particularly effective, however, for couples who find themselves in constant conflict, as it can be a really great and simple tool to exercise the “de-escalation” muscle. What this means is simply that once you know how to relax together, breathe in tune with one another, and really connect to the heart of how you’re feeling, your relationship will see increased harmony, and you’ll find yourselves sweating the small stuff a lot less.
How couples meditation strengthens relationships
The way it works is pretty simple: when you’re in a fight, or about to start an argument with your partner, you’re experiencing reactive feelings, which lead to stress and tension. You’re focused on survival, at your most natural animal instinct level, and not thinking rationally most of the time.
Getting together with your partner to perform a couple meditation can be a great way to calm both your nerves, dissolve any tension in the room, and sync your breathing. This will allow you to focus less on yourself, and more on the other person, as well as the connection you share. It’s a truly fantastic form of quality time, and it can be quite the opportunity to either rekindle a waning fire or dissipate any negative and lingering feelings!
Types of couples meditation
There’s really no wrong way to go about a couples meditation, all that matters is that you find what works best for you and your partner.
You can sit together, or lie next to each other, close your eyes and try to focus on your breath. Try to be mindful of the sensations that come up, or the reactions you feel rising in you. You could open your eyes, and stare into each other’s gazes. You could hold hands, light some scented candles, play some music or sit in silence. Allow yourselves to find a connection, and build on it to get to a truly intimate state.
Positions can vary, as you might find they differ in intimacy levels ––often, the recommended position for a couple meditation is sitting, lying side by side, or standing upright in front of one another.
Sexual meditation is another option, and since here at Dandy, stigma of any kind is big no-no, we openly and thoroughly recommend it. It can also be called tantric meditation, or divine meditation, since ancient cultures believed that sex and orgasms were key to experiencing the divine. Did you know about an ancient Egyptian belief linking climaxing while in a state of meditation to eternal youth? Now you know!
You could also try a dyadic mediation, where you settle in first by focusing on your breath with your eyes closed, then open them and focus only on your partner. Imagine you are seeing them for the first time, meditate on the feeling of love and acceptance that arises when you stare at them right in front of you.
The bottom line
By learning how to get in touch with yourself, and focus on your connection with your breath and your own feelings, you can learn how to be more connected to others, too. If you’re in the mood for something different, try a couples meditation with your partner, and feel free to report back on how it bettered your relationship!