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    Why We Need To Stop Faking It

    Liv Surtees

    If you’ve ever had to sneak into the bathroom or wait until your partner had fallen asleep to “get the job done”, or you’ve been left feeling underwhelmed by a sexual experience and felt awkward about the fact that the person next to you thinks it was great, then you’ll know: faking it isn’t fun.

    Whether faking an orgasm is your go-to when you have casual sex or you find yourself faking it regularly with your partner, it might seem like an easy option, but it’s never the answer.

    In this article, we’re going to be giving you a multitude of reasons why you need to stop faking orgasms, and give you tips to help you stop doing it, for the sake of everyone’s pleasure!



    5 Reasons To Stop Faking Orgasms

    Faking orgasms doesn’t just let you down (there’s nothing fun about not getting yours and pretending), it’s unfair to the person you’re with, and it can halt your sexual expression and openness. 

    So, in the name of pleasure, let’s take a look at 5 specific reasons that you should stop faking orgasms. Trust us, once you’ve read them, you’ll be putting your fake moaning skills away, for good.


    You’re less likely to orgasm if you fake it

    If you’re faking orgasms, it’s safe to say that you’re stuck in your head when you’re having sex. If you’re too caught up and focused on faking an orgasm (and whether you’ll do a good job and faking it), you’re less likely to get lost in the pleasure of the moment. 

    There can be a lot of blockers to orgasm, but being in your head is one of the most common. 

    So, by fixating on the fact that you need to fake an orgasm at some point during sex, you’re lowering the likelihood of actually having one.


    You miss out on all the benefits that come from orgasming

    Although lots of women find it difficult to orgasm (if this is you, focus less on penetration - 81.6% of women don't orgasm from intercourse alone), if you do have the ability to orgasm and you’re faking it, you’re denying yourself all the benefits that come with that big O. 

    From stress relief to improved mood, there are a lot of benefits (both physical and mental) that come from achieving orgasm, and if you’re faking it, you’re missing out on them!


    Your partner will think they sexually satisfy you

    One of the biggest issues with faking orgasms, especially for those in relationships, is that it dissolves trust. If you fake it, your partner might believe that you actually climaxed (depending on how great your acting was) and therefore they may believe that you’re sexually satisfied by them. 

    Not only does this mean that the sexual pleasure derived from your experience together is unbalanced, but it may lead to problems down the line. 

    If you communicate to your partner that you’re not getting enjoyment from sex together or you’d like to try something new, they might be taken aback, believing that you’ve been having mind blowing sex that ended in orgasm this whole time. 

    Then, if you tell them you’ve been faking it, it may cause them a great deal of pain and lead them to not trust you.


    You’re more likely to feel disconnected from a partner during sex

    Although climaxing should never be the goal of sex, if you do orgasm with your partner it can benefit the relationship you have together. When we orgasm, we release oxytocin (also known as the “love hormone” that helps us feel closer to our partner emotionally. 

    Additionally, research has shown that couples who orgasm together are more likely to be vulnerable during pillow talk. 

    Therefore, if you’re faking it, you might feel less connected to your partner or they may feel a closeness to you that you can’t reciprocate.


    It leads to less sexual experimentation

    Although some couples like to experiment with each other on a regular basis, if your partner believes that you’re satisfied with your sex life, they will be less likely to want to experiment, since what you’re doing together works well (or so they think).

    Of course, you can still open up a discussion of how you want to try new things with your partner whilst you’re faking it, but if you’re honest and clear about the fact that you’re not achieving orgasm from the beginning, they may be much more inclined and excited to try new things with you.

    If you find yourself having to fake orgasms and there’s a lack of sexual experimentation, you might begin to get frustrated or upset, which can then cause issues in other areas of your relationship.  



    4 Tips To Help You Stop Faking Orgasms

    Hopefully it’s pretty obvious as to why you should stop faking orgasms now, but how can you go about stopping this habit? Whilst you might think it’s simple, for many (especially those that have been faking it for a long time or those in relationships), it can be tricky.

    So, take a look at these 4 tips that can help you stop faking orgasms:


    Recognise that your pleasure is important

    The first thing that you need to do is get to grips with the fact that your own pleasure is important! A lot of the time people fake orgasms because they know that they might disappoint their partner if they don’t climax, or take away pleasure from their partner's sexual pleasure. 

    The truth is, your pleasure is important and in realising that you’ll stop trying to put on such a performance and only think about your partner's needs.


    Communicate openly and honestly with your partner

    If you’ve been faking orgasms with a partner, being honest and letting them know can be daunting. After all, you don’t want to hurt them. However, it’s important to let them know that you’ve not been orgasming and you want to work together with them to achieve climax, if that’s something you can do.

    If you approach this subject calmly and show vulnerability to your partner when discussing it they will be much more receptive and less hurt. Although it’s still important to apologise and be understanding if they are hurting after hearing this news.

    But, once you’ve talked it out, it’s time for the fun to begin! Reframing the situation and looking at it as an exciting journey of sexual exploration together can help to add joy to the situation.


    Focus on the journey, not an end goal

    Focusing on the goal of orgasm can be daunting, especially if this is what used to trigger you to fake it. So, focus more on the enjoyment of the entire sexual experience rather than having sex simply to climax.

    If you’re having sex with a regular partner, make a conscious decision together to focus more on the pleasure from the sexual experience, rather than focus on the goal of climaxing and enjoy more foreplay or experiment with toys.


    Learn what you like and show your partner

    Self-pleasure is always a good idea, but if you’re struggling with faking orgasms, it can be even more beneficial! Take time to learn what you like, what things bring you the most pleasure, and what brings you to orgasm.

    Then, show your partner what you like! This can actually be super sexy and you can revel in showing your partner what you like. Plus, they’ll enjoy it too: after all, they will get off when they see what gets you off!



    The Takeaways

    Sex should never be a performance, so stop acting.

    Instead of faking orgasms to get by, it’s time to embrace the idea that pleasure is all about being real and expressing the way you feel. 

    Whether that means focusing more on foreplay and letting orgasm expectations go, or showing your partner what brings you to orgasm, make sure you’re prioritising honest pleasure and not faking it to make someone else feel good.

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