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    motherhood //

    birth order theory: how your position in the family shapes who you are

    Birth order theory, which claims that your personality is shaped by the sequence of your birth in the family, be it the firstborn, middle child, youngest, or only child. But does it hold any truth? Could it be the key to understanding why siblings differ so much? Here, we unpack the details so that you can decide for yourself…

    By Sophie Bronstein / Jul 19, 2023

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    Imagine your family as a cast of characters, and you find yourself wondering if your role in the line-up affects your personality traits. Are you the dependable leader taking charge of the pack? Or are you the peacemaker, keeping harmony as the middle child? Or perhaps you’re the charming baby of your clan, stealing hearts with your outgoing charisma.

     

    These perceptions are all tied to the Birth Orrder Theory. 

    the birth order theory: unravelling it's meaning

    Back in the 1900s, psychotherapist Alfred Adler formulated the birth order theory, proposing that the order of your birth within the family—whether you're the firstborn, the middle child, the youngest, or an only child—shapes your thoughts and behaviours.

     

    Adler believed that family dynamics and interactions between parents and children, as well as among siblings, significantly influence individual psychology during formative years. And although every family is unique, there are patterns suggesting a connection between birth order and personality traits.

     

    However, there is a difference between chronological and psychological birth order. Chronological birth order refers to the actual order of your birth in the family, while psychological birth order refers to the role you adopt within the family dynamics, irrespective of your birth position. More on that later.

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    decoding each birth order

    So, let's explore the birth order theory and uncover the typical characteristics associated with each sibling…

    First-Born: The Responsible Trailblazer

    As the eldest child, you often enjoy the advantage of being the sole centre of attention for a period. However, when younger siblings arrive, sharing that attention might pose a challenge. Typically, firstborns encounter higher expectations and stricter parenting, nurturing a sense of responsibility and leadership qualities.

    Middle-Child: The Creative Bridge Builder

    You find yourself feeling a bit left out or overlooked as the middle child. Yet, you become adept at carving out your unique place within the family unit. Skilled at compromise, you may occasionally compete for attention when overshadowed by your older sibling. Despite not carrying the same burdens as the eldest or the privileges of the youngest, middle children often blossom into successful individuals.

    Youngest-Child: The Charming Trailblazer

    Imagine being the darling baby of the family, showered with endless attention and affection. Your response to such indulgence plays a crucial role in shaping your path. Some youngest children lean towards dependency, lacking the drive to excel, while others embrace nurturing tendencies, becoming the family's go-to problem-solver.

    Only-Child: The Independant Achiever

    As the single child in the family, you tend to interact more with adults than with peers, which can make you appear to be mature beyond your years. This unique upbringing can lead to both exceptional achievements and a reliance on your parents' support. Though your independence and intelligence shine through, you may struggle with flexibility, having fewer opportunities to negotiate with siblings.

    birth order theory: the exceptional cases

    Yet, despite these birth order patterns, there are exceptions that don't always align:

    Large Age Gaps Between Siblings

    Adler considered a substantial age gap to be three years, but researchers now define it as five or more years, accounting for siblings attending different schools. A five-year or more gap can result in the youngest child taking on a psychological firstborn role due to the considerable age difference

    Health Challenges In A Child

    A child with health obstacles can impact the psychological birth order position of their sibling(s). An oldest child with frequent illnesses might shift into a psychological "baby" role, diverting attention away from the actual youngest child.

    Twins: A Unique Dynamic

    Twins introduce complexity to the birth order, and how it affects them depends on whether they are the only children in the family or have additional siblings. The chronological birth order may not dictate their roles, but over time, a psychological birth order might emerge.

    Gender Beliefs: Breaking Stereotypes

    Cultural beliefs about gender can also influence the birth order theory. For instance, a female oldest child might take on a firstborn role in a family that emphasises male dominance.

    Blended Families: Realigning Roles

    When families blend due to remarriage, the psychological birth order may undergo changes, especially during the formative years. For example, an oldest child blending with step-siblings might see their role shift as they navigate new family dynamics.

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