How To Have Better Sex By Edging
Feel like you’re always rushing towards the finish line when having sex? Perhaps you’re unsatisfied with the sex you’re having? Or maybe you just want to try something new in your already-great sex life? Well, the concept of edging could be exactly what you need!
When it comes to having bigger, better, longer-lasting orgasms, you might have tried a multitude of things: exploring more kinky behaviour, trying new sex positions, or adding toys to the mix.
Whilst all of these things are super enjoyable, fun to add into your sex life, and can potentially lead to a more pleasurable experience, one of the most underrated but trusted ways to have better sex and better orgasms is to try edging.
Want to discover the world of edging and how you can practise it to bring yourself and your partner(s) to a higher level of climax? Well, read on!
What Is Edging?
Edging is the practice of bringing yourself right to the edge of an orgasm, then stopping, resting for a moment, and then repeating this process until you want to let yourself fully go and orgasm.
The idea behind edging is that when you orgasm, after bringing yourself to the edge and denying yourself an orgasm for a while, the orgasm will be more intense as there has been more of a buildup.
Edging can be done in both masturbation and partnered sex and can provide a multitude of benefits to whoever is involved…
What Are The Benefits of Edging?
Whilst there’s always an overarching benefit of trying something new in the bedroom (it allows for sexual exploration), there are three main benefits of edging.
So, let’s take a look at them:
The most commonly known benefit of edging is that you will have better, or more intense orgasms.
Although this might not happen the first time you practise edging, since practice makes perfect, typically if you are able to edge you will experience stronger orgasms.
This is due to the fact that you’ve not only stayed in an aroused state for a longer amount of time than normal, but by bringing yourself close to orgasm and then denying yourself it, you will have built up the moment and it will be more of a conscious experience than a quick release.
Whether you’re someone that struggles to orgasm and you put pressure on yourself to climax when masturbating, or you have a partner struggling with sexual dysfunction, edging is a great way to take the pressure off.
Since edging isn’t specifically focused on orgasming as soon as possible and the goal is to stay in an aroused state and play around with pleasure, it can reduce the amount of pressure you feel and with less pressure comes more fun and fewer issues.
Even the concept of being mindful about sex (whether alone or partnered) can reduce pressure and take away any negative thoughts that may influence sexual dysfunction.
Both alone and in partnered sex, edging can increase the intimacy and connection you feel, both with your own body and with the person you are with. Rather than rushing to the finish line, edging slows things down and increases the time and concentration you put on simply being intimate with your partner.
Additionally, edging can be practised in so many ways that penetrative sex isn’t always the sole focus and that can be great for those that don’t receive a lot of pleasure from this type of sex or would prefer to indulge in a little more foreplay and oral sex.
How To Practise Edging
Like most things, edging takes practice to get it perfect.
For many when they try edging they’ll realise that they’ve left it too late and passed the point of no return, experiencing an orgasm when they’d rather than delayed it. For others, they may delay climax for too long and be unable to keep in an erotic headspace, losing interest in their orgasm or unable to reach it all together.
So, to get the best results from edging, keep trying it out and experiment with where your point of no return is/how you can tell that your partner is there, and how much time you want to spend edging.
But, here are the basics for how you can use edging, whether alone as someone who has a vulva or a penis, or together with a partner:
How To Edge For All: The Stop and Start Method
Whilst there are different methods of edging to different people and tips for partnered sex too, the main method for edging is the “Stop and Start” method.
Whether masturbating or during partnered sex, build up to having an orgasm as you normally would, and then when you notice that you are about to orgasm, you simply need to stop any kind of stimulation.
The time that you need to stop stimulation to ensure you don’t orgasm will differ from person to person, but typically 10-30 seconds should be adequate. Then, begin the stimulation again, and repeat the process of stopping before climax.
You can repeat this process as many times as you like, but you might want to try repeating it just twice or three times to begin with!
Edging in masturbation for those with vulvas:
If you want to edge whilst alone, start masturbating as normal using a sex toy or simply your hands - whatever feels best to you and brings you the most joy.
When you’re building to your orgasm, really try to be conscious of your breath and notice what you’re thinking about and what’s turning you on. When you stop before orgasming, be completely still for a second and focus on the sensations you feel all over your body.
Then, when you begin to stimulate yourself again, explore your entire body rather than going straight back to your vulva - run your hands over your breasts, on your stomach, and be gentle with exploring your body whilst building up to the next orgasm.
Edging in masturbation for those with penises:
If you want to edge alone and you have a penis, or you want to use this technique on a partner who has a penis, there’s a specific technique recommended for edging during masturbation.
Masturbate as you normally would (if possible, not with toys, or with toys that make it easy for you to quickly access the top of your penis with your hand).
Then, when you’re about to orgasm, gently squeeze the top of your penis for 10-30 seconds. This stops ejaculation immediately and can give you a mindful sensation. Then, continue repeating the process until you want to ejaculate.
Edging in partnered sex:
When it comes to edging in partnered sex, the most important thing is communication. Obviously in the first place you and your partner should be on the same page about trying edging (more on this below), so you need communication in that aspect, but you also need communication during sex to ensure that neither of you orgasms accidentally when you want to be delaying them.
Either keep constant verbal communication going with your partner to ensure you know when they’re building to an orgasm or if they’re going to orgasm, or focus on the specific non-verbal cues they give you when this happens.
It’s typically a better idea to verbally communicate where you’re both at, just to ensure no one accidentally slips over the edge.
But also, if this happens, it is what it is, and you might have more luck next time - just keep trying!
Important: Edging Has To Be Consensual
Whilst edging is great fun during partnered sex, it’s only fun if both people are aware that they’re practising edging. Whenever you’re attempting to try something new in the bedroom with a partner, there should always be open communication and all parties need to consent to the idea.
Don’t try to use the edging technique with a partner without letting them know you’d like to try it. Otherwise, you’re taking someone else’s pleasure into your own hands and actively denying them pleasure without letting them know why - this can lead to them feeling controlled in the bedroom, unsatisfied, or simply kept at a distance due to a lack of communication.
So, just make sure you speak to your partner about trying edging before getting into it. After all, better orgasms and more intimacy? I’m sure they’d love to try edging with you!
Edging is a fantastic technique to not only increase the intensity of orgasms, but also deepen intimacy in the bedroom, reduce the likelihood of sexual dysfunction, and create a less penetration-centric sex life.
Sounds pretty good to us.
So, for the first time ever, let’s celebrate denying ourselves orgasms (for a little while before we have a mega O, anyway).