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    SEX + RELATIONSHIPS  //

    Warning Signs Of Narcissist In Relationships

    In this article, we’re going to answer both of these questions and share signs of narcissistic behaviour, whilst also letting you know what your protocol should be if you do find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist. 

    By Liv Surtees / Oct 28 2024

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    “Narcissist” is a word that’s often quite commonly and casually thrown around - if someone looks in the mirror too frequently, posts updates of their life on social media often, or even spends time practicing self-care, they might be called a narcissist.

     

    However, narcissism isn’t a casual matter and those who have spent time around narcissists or been in relationships with these types of people will be the first to tell you just how serious it is. Getting a blow dry every so often to feel good about yourself and snapping a few selfies for Instagram cannot be compared to being a narcissist.

    what is a narcissist? 

    A narcissist is a person that shows narcissistic behaviour. Narcissism, like most things, sits on a spectrum - some people will show mild narcissistic tendencies and have a narcissistic trait whereas others might have narcissistic personality disorder and be a true narcissist. 
     

    Narcissism is an extreme level of self-importance and a lack of empathy. Narcissistics are self-involved, seek attention, want people to admire them and praise them, and they don’t take interest in or care about other people’s feelings or lives overall.

     

    People often develop narcissistic traits if they have grown up in an environment of either too much or too little praise (since parent-child relationships shape the way we are so heavily), but those with narcissistic personality disorder may have had it passed down genetically, as an inherited characteristic from family members.

     

    Experts estimate that up to 5% of people have narcissistic personality disorders and men are much more likely to have narcissistic traits than women.
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    why is it so damaging to be in a relationship with a narcissist?

    Being in a relationship with someone who either has narcissistic personality disorder or displays narcissistic traits can be incredibly detrimental. 
     

    Since narcissists lack empathy, there’s no (or very little/manipulatively given) care shown to you if you’re in a relationship with one and there can be abuse present in the relationship too, both physical and emotional. There’s also a much higher likelihood that narcissists will be unfaithful. 
     

    Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and loneliness typically develop as a result of being in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic and high levels of stress and fear dominate the relationship. These feelings and experiences can last for a long-time, even after a relationship with a narcissistic person has ended, and can result in trauma that can impact future relationships.

    who does a narcissist target?

    Unlike most of us who tend to fall in love with whoever we fall in love with, narcissists are always on the lookout for people to manipulate and abuse, in order to make themselves feel more in control and more important.
     

    Although it might be a common belief that narcissistic people target those who have low self-esteem or are insecure in some way, anyone can be the target of narcissistic abuse - they target anyone who has something appealing that they can gain. 

    is it obvious that someone is a narcissist?

    If you ask anyone who has been in a relationship with a narcissist, they will tell you that it wasn’t obvious that they were narcissistic from the beginning and they never saw it coming.
     

    What’s so concerning about narcissistic behaviour is that initially, it’s very hard to spot. Narcissists tend to come across as incredibly charming and they often show a lot of positive attention to a partner early on, to the extremes. This is commonly known as “love bombing” and is a tactic that narcissistic people use to attract someone and form a relationship with someone. 
     

    The love bombing stage can last weeks, months, and sometimes even years and is signified by over-the-top expressions of affection, attention, and care. Rather than sweet, genuinely kind things that will brighten your day, love bombers tend to be aggressively affectionate, move things forward very quickly, and manipulate you into feeling you’ve found “the one”.
     

    After this stage, narcissistic abuse tends to take hold in relationships.
     

    So, how can you be aware of narcissistic behaviour before falling into a narcissist’s trap? Know the signs to look out for.

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    8 telling signs you’re dating a narcissist

    Here are the 8 most commons signs that show you’re dating a narcissist:

    they’re extremely charismatic

    Narcissistic people are often the brightest, loudest, most vibrant people in the room. They will always want to be the centre of attention, so will constantly try to put themselves in front of others in the most flamboyant way. When it comes to forming a relationship with them, they will initially be very charming and will often lovebomb you (as discussed in more detail above).

    they have a heightened state of self-importance

    Narcissists have a very high level of self-importance and will always think about themselves first. You will notice that they constantly put their needs before yours (or anyone else’s), always talk about themselves, and push past others to put themselves forward.

    they demand attention and praise constantly

    Narcissists often actually lack self-esteem (especially if they developed narcissistic traits due to not being cared for properly and supported as a child), and therefore they need constant and excessive attention and praise. Therefore, they will really thrive off your compliments and fish for them or get angry when you’re not praising them. 

    you feel isolated from your friends and family because of them

    Narcissists want to isolate you from your loved ones and support group so that it’s easier to manipulate you. So, they will create issues between you and your loved ones to cause conflict, become aggressive or abusive when you spend time with loved ones, and take up excessive amounts of your time so you can’t spend time with those you care about.

    they show abusive behaviour and are manipulative

    Abuse, both emotional and physical, in relationships with narcissists are common. Narcissists may become physically or emotionally abusive and manipulative to belittle you, take control over you, and coerce you into certain behaviors. The aim for a narcissist in a relationship is to make the person they’re with feel worthless so that they can control the person and the relationship as a whole. 

    they belittle others and frequently ”backstab” those around them

    Since narcissists actually struggle with low self-esteem and all of them want to feel as if they are better than others, they will degrade, criticise, belittle, and back-stab those around them in order to put them down and lift themselves up. They lack boundaries on many levels and will exhibit this behavior even towards “loved ones” they have. 

    they never take responsibility for themselves and their actions

    Narcissists truly believe that they are above everyone and perfect. Therefore, they’ll never take responsibility for actions and instead deflect onto other people, often playing victim. They won’t take responsibility for their actions, even if it’s obvious that they are in the wrong to those around them. So, never expect an apology or a two-way conversation with them after they do something wrong. 

     

    In fact, they will likely manipulate and gaslight you to make you believe you are the one in the wrong - they also rarely face consequences for their actions and appear to get away with everything as their levels of manipulation are very high and they lie to get their own way - always. 

    they lack empathy and genuine care for you

    You feel when someone truly cares for you. In a relationship with a narcissist, it will be obvious that they don’t care for you, both since you will feel it in your gut and through their actions that show they not only care more about themselves than you by constantly putting themselves first, but that they actually don’t have empathy and care for you at all.

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    if you’re dating a narcissist, what should you do?

    Obviously, if you’re dating a narcissist, you should leave the relationship. However, it’s often not that simple, especially if your relationship is serious, your lives are intertwined, other people (such as children) are involved, physical abuse is present, or you have been manipulated.


     

    So, if you’re dating this person, cut ties immediately and move on - you don’t even have to give a reason or bring up the fact that they’re narcissistic if you think it could be detrimental. In fact, letting on that you know what they are encourages them to try harder to manipulate you. 
     

    When leaving a relationship with a narcissist, it’s incredibly important to walk away and cut contact entirely with them. By remaining indifferent rather than giving them attention (even if negative), they are much more likely to lose interest. Eventually they disregard any ‘supply’ they have so it’s better if you get there first. If they start dating someone else quickly, let them, the new person in their lives will not get any improved behavior from them. Be thankful it’s not you anymore! 
     

    However, if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, the first thing you should do is make a plan to leave the relationship. Make sure you have support on-hand, whether that be from a therapist, loved ones, or from professionals such as the police (depending on the severity of the situation). 
     

    Make sure that you create a safe exit plan and that you have backup plans in place in case your initial plan to leave does not go as smoothly as hoped. The best thing you can do is not alert the narcissist in any way that you plan to leave and don’t make contact with them until you are in a safe place.

     

    When it comes to leaving a relationship with any kind of manipulation or abuse, you need to have a strong support network and seek professional support. Often it can take multiple attempts to leave a relationship like this and you may need support in even coming to terms with leaving the relationship if you have been emotionally abused and manipulated. 
     

    Above all, your safety should always be the top priority and leaving the relationship for good is the best way you can ensure that.

    it’s a no from us: protect yourself from narcissistic people 

    There’s always the importance of being aware of the people you’re dating and how your relationships make you feel, especially when it comes to avoiding dangerous, detrimental situations. 
     

    Although narcissistic behaviour can be difficult to spot, especially early on when getting to know someone new, knowing the signs of this behaviour can help you be more perceptive. 
     

    Essentially, make sure you know that you deserve better, feel sorry for those who cannot love without manipulation and abuse, and live a happy and fulfilling life without them as nothing annoys them more - believe us!

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