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    What is Tantric Sex? + How To Explore Tantric Sex, Tantric Sex Positions, and More

    Liv Surtees

    Tantric sex, part of an overarching spiritual path known as tantra, is an ancient Hindu practice that was first created over 5,000 years ago. Although tantric sex does have the word “sex” in it, it’s much less about penetration, much less about orgasm, and a partner doesn’t even need to be involved to have a tantric experience - it’s all about the journey that you go on!

    In this article, we’re going to explore tantric sex and its meaning, how you can practice it solo or with a partner, and give you some tips on the most intimate tantric sex positions out there.

    So, whether you’re wanting to reconnect with your body through self-pleasure, explore new heights of pleasure with a partner, or simply learn more about this powerful practice, you’re in the right place.



    What Is Tantric Sex?

    Tantric sex is part of tantra, a spiritual philosophy that originated in India and has roots in Hinduism, Buddhism, and Taoism. Tantra can be translated as “to weave” and the philosophy suggests that spiritual enlightenment can be found when weaving, or integrating, all of the parts of yourself together.

    It’s important to acknowledge that tantra is not specifically sexual, but tantric sex is a part of tantra.



    So, what is tantric sex all about?

    The aim of tantric sex is to bring the mind, body, and spirit fully into sex. Often described as a meditative form of sex, orgasm isn’t the goal of tantric sex and doesn’t even necessarily need to happen. 

    Rather, tantric sex, whether practised solo or with a partner, focuses on creating deeper connections, calling forward more intense energies, promoting longer-lasting pleasure, and experiencing sex with a new and expansive frame of mind.



    What You Can Expect During Tantric Sex


    Before we explore some of the things that you might experience during tantric sex, it’s first important that you actually hold no expectations about tantric sex before practising it. 

    Yes, you might have endless hours of pleasure and develop a deeper connection with your partner, or you might simply have more typical sex and not great quite to grips with it. 

    Suppose you go into tantric sex with expectations. In that case, you’re already putting pressure on it, and that goes against everything that it should be about: it should be about connecting with yourself and your partner’s mind, body, and spirit mindfully.

    So, with that knowledge, what might you experience by practising tantric sex?


    Longer Sex

    Since tantric sex is not focused on the orgasm, it’s not only likely that exploring each other’s bodies and enjoying foreplay will last longer than normal, but you will also go back and forth from having sex to doing foreplay. 

    Additionally, the speed at which you have sex can be interchangeable throughout the experience, delaying orgasm and making for a longer sexual experience.

    More Intense Orgasms

    There are two main reasons why tantric sex increases the pleasure you experience when you orgasm. The first is that it allows you to enter into a state of mindfulness that can improve your ability to orgasm (especially if you are using your breath). 

    The second is that throughout the sexual experience you may be edging (getting close to orgasm and then stopping or pulling back on the speed/changing the position). Then, when you do orgasm, it’s more intense since it’s been built up.


    A Deeper Connection With Yourself or Your Partner

    Since tantric sex is about being exploratory and taking time to enjoy the entire sexual experience, rather than rushing to reach orgasm, you’re more likely to connect on a deeper level with both yourself and your partner (if you’re having partnered sex). 

    This connection is also strengthened if you’re doing things like soul gazing and “hands-on heart” circuits. If you are particularly disconnected from your partner, tantric sex can be a great way to bring you both closer together.

    Less Sexual Discomfort and Dysfunction

    A lot of sexual discomfort and dysfunction that often occurs is due to, or enhanced by, the fact that there’s so much pressure in sex to achieve orgasm or to make your partner achieve orgasm. 

    Therefore, when you remove that pressure, view sex as an exploratory and fun experience, and add anxiety-reducing mindfulness into the equation, you’re much less likely to experience sexual discomfort and/or dysfunction.



    How To Prepare

    One of the most important aspects of tantric sex is preparing for it: both your environment and yourself.

    The environment in which you practise tantric sex is incredibly important since it sets the tone for the experience. 

    So, get rid of the dirty laundry on the floor, clear the space, use incense or sage to clear the energy in the room if you have some, light some candles, and dim the lights. 

    Make your environment sensual, calming, and inviting. If you are doing this in your bedroom, you want to prepare it in a way that transforms it into an extra special, seemingly new environment.

    Whilst there are a few important aspects to tantric sex that you can practise with your partner before any kind of sex actually occurs (which we’re covering next), you may want to take some time to prepare yourself. 

    Doing a calming meditation, taking time to disconnect from your day, and cultivating a feeling of mindfulness within yourself is a great idea before even involving your partner.



    How To Practice Tantric Sex Solo And With A Partner

    Here are five of the most powerful and essential aspects of tantric sex: although you don’t need to tick them all off the list, doing all of these things can heighten your pleasure and overall energetic experience.

    Soul Gazing

    Partnered: Sit across from your partner, or sat in their lap, and make prolonged eye contact. You can still have your clothes on if you like, but for a more powerful, sexual connection, doing this naked is best. Tantric experts suggest soul gazing for between 10-20 minutes, but this may be too long for you if this is your first time practising it: you might just want to try a couple of minutes and build this up over time. Whilst you’re soul gazing you should remain silent: this is about energy, not verbal communication.

    Solo: Do exactly the same thing but with a mirror instead of a partner. Explore your own soul!


    Hand to Heart Circuits

    Partnered: Sit opposite your partner with your legs crossed and place your right hand onto their heart - they need to do the same. Then, take your left hand and put it on top of your partner’s right hand that’s resting on your heart. This creates a circuit. Take as long as you want here and try to harmonise your breath with each other. Do this for at least two minutes.


    Solo: Sitting crossed-legged, put your right hand on your heart and your left hand on top of this. Breathe slowly and deeply, taking notice of how you feel and the rhythm of your breath. Do this for at least two minutes.


    Practice Tantric Massage

    Partnered: if you are giving your partner a tantric massage, get them to lie on their back, apply massage oil to your hands, and take exploring their body and all of their erogenous zones. Work your way all over their body with your hands. If you fancy it, to heighten their pleasure, they can wear a blindfold. If you’re receiving the massage, get your partner to do these things, lay back and enjoy!


    Solo: Practising tantric massage on yourself can be incredibly pleasurable, especially since you understand how the way your hands move around your body feels. Remember not to neglect any areas of your body and don’t rush towards your vulva: take it slow and regulate your breath.


    Focus on The Breath

    The breath is an incredibly useful tool that you can utilise during tantric sex to increase the pleasure experienced and the connection you have with your partner. Whether you’re enjoying solo or partnered sex, try to regulate your breathing (in sync with your partner if you are with one), and when you notice that you are coming to orgasm, don’t hold your breath or let it become shallow. Instead, breathe more deeply as you feel more pleasure and you’re more likely to experience a stronger, longer-lasting O.

    Take It SLOW

    There’s no rush in tantric sex. In fact, it’s supposed to be a longer-lasting experience. Therefore, take it slow! Whilst you might want to go straight into penetrative sex, don’t. Instead, spend time exploring every aspect of yourself and your partner, getting lost in the emotions, sexual energy, and closeness that you’re feeling. If you notice that things are speeding along a little too quickly, just take a moment to be still, silent, and focus on your breath.



    Best Positions For Tantric Sex 

    Whilst you can explore any sex positions during tantric sex with your partner, here are some of the most powerful tantric sex positions that you might want to try:

    Yab Yum Position

    The Yab Yum position is the ultimate tantric sex position. The penetrating partner needs to sit crossed-legged or sit on the end of the bed if they find being cross-legged too uncomfortable). Then, the receiving partner sits on top, with their legs wrapped around their partner’s waist (as if cross-legged too) and their arms around their shoulders. Then, penetration can happen whilst you slowly rock back and forth, close together, staring into each other’s eyes.

    This position is supposed to connect both partners’ energies together and create a close union. It’s an incredibly intimate position.


    The Fork

    Also called simply spooning or “The Spork”, this position allows partners to be incredibly close whilst adding an extra level of affection. The receiving partner will need to lie on their side with one leg bent. The penetrating partner then lies behind them and puts their leg between their partner’s leg. 

    Then, penetration can happen (with the speed being controlled by both partners) whilst the partners turn slightly to look at each other, kiss, and breathe into their pleasure.


    Butterfly Position

    The butterfly position is a great sex position that provides a similar intimacy to missionary, but with deeper, more impactful penetration. The penetrating partner stands at the end of the bed (or table, whatever floats your boat!), and the receiving partner lies on their back, with their legs on their partner’s shoulders. 

    This position is especially great for prolonged, intense eye contact and deep penetration.



    The Takeaway

    Tantric sex might shed completely new light on the sex you’ve been having, whether that’s partnered or alone: it’s going to bring you to higher heights of pleasure, help you develop a more emotional relationship with sex, and promote a deeper connection between yourself and your partner.

    So, why not give it a try and bring a little tantric energy into your bedroom?

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